Deanna Knight
Lupus is an autoimmune disease that causes the body to attack its own organs, confusing them with harmful pathogens since the immune system has lost its ability to tell the difference. The body experiences a series of moments called flares when the disease is most active in the body, and remission when the body is in a calm state. It is a disease that mimics other diseases, so it is sometimes called The Great Imitator and it can take an upwards of five years before it is correctly diagnosed.
My mother was diagnosed with Lupus when I was five years old, but for many years after she was diagnosed, I didn’t notice any major changes in our lives. We took long bike rides together all throughout our neighborhood by day, and by night she stood in the kitchen for hours, teaching me how to make delicious meals. One of my favorite meals was spaghetti with meat sauce, and she always made it just the way I liked it.
As the years passed by and I got older, I began to notice the effect the Lupus was taking on her body. Sadly, my mother passed away when I was seventeen, having succumbed to the blow the disease and medication had taken on her body for such a long time. Several years later at the age of twenty-five, I too was diagnosed with Lupus. I began to experience some of the symptoms I vaguely remember my mother experienced.
At first, I couldn’t understand how she was able to deal with them. Being in the sun for even a short amount of time on a hot day can be extremely detrimental to the health of someone with Lupus, and can even cause flares. Certain foods like peppers and red sauce can also make inflammatory responses in the body worse. When I experienced this myself even for a moment, I felt as if I couldn’t bear to put a smile on my face. At that time, I came to think of the long bike rides my mother took with me as a child. Her skin must’ve burned, and she too must have been swollen and blistered all over. I thought of how much she must have suffered pain and inflammation through the night, after I had gone to bed with a full belly after enjoying a delicious spaghetti meal.
Because of the love she had for me, she willingly put herself in the situations that she knew would cause her pain simply because she knew it would make me smile. As I was the only child, I was her everything; for her it was better to suffer than to see me sad. Although my mother was in pain, she never showed it or blamed me for her pain.
In addition to the obstacles she faced due to her health, the environment we were surrounded by was not favorable. However, I never noticed that because my mother looked so bright and happy; she made an unfavorable environment a paradise for me. I was physically immature, so I didn’t realize my mother’s suffering but continued to take everything from her. By the time her physical body showed the signs of her suffering, it was too late for me to serve her. Only after going through some of the pain she felt was I able to fully realize how much she must have loved me.
It is the same with Heavenly Mother; although She is in pain because She has to wear the thorny clothes of my numerous sins placed on Her, She continues to smile and never shows me Her pain. Mother willingly put Herself in the worst situation and came down to this earth, leaving the Heavenly throne behind.
Thanks to Mother, this unfavorable city of refuge can have a bright light, and I have an opportunity to be happy in a place without happiness. Mother regards me as Her everything, and loves me the way that I need to be loved in order to take me to the Kingdom of Heaven.
Through my situation, I have a chance to fathom Heavenly Mother’s pain even a little, but until now I’ve only complained and made excuses. Now I realize that I should resemble Mother by always smiling and encouraging others, thinking of Her pain first.
Heavenly Mother, thank You for not giving up on this immature child! From now on, I will pray that God will make me a mature child who can lighten the load of sins that Mother carries for us, and who can take care of Her children with a smile under any circumstances. I pray that I can learn to cherish the love and sacrifice of Heavenly Father and Mother all the more.