Kind Words Brought Spring Into Our Marriage

Every morning, I have a little routine that brightens my day. My husband, who works away from home, sends me a text before heading to work. I read his message and reply with a few words of encouragement. Just a few years ago, I could never have imagined this becoming part of our daily life.

It took us many years to find the peace we now enjoy. Ever since our children were young, my husband has worked at construction sites across the country. For more than ten years, he has lived away from our family, working from early morning until late at night. Still, all those years had not made life away from home any less difficult for him. One day, half-jokingly, he said, “You’re lucky. You get to be with the kids every day.” Hearing him quietly reveal how he felt made me realize that he, too, must have been lonely and weary. I, too, took my responsibilities as a wife and mother to heart, doing my best to care for our home and raise our children. Even when both of our children were going through adolescence and I had to handle everything on my own while my husband lived away for work, I tried not to let him see how hard it was. I simply wanted to make things as comfortable as possible for him so that he could rest whenever he came home on the weekends.

Despite how much we cared for each other, my husband and I were quite different in many ways. I had always been rather reserved and was never good at expressing what was in my heart. Even when I felt grateful, I would simply think, “He knows how I feel even if I don’t say it,” and let it go. My husband, who is more sensitive by nature, often felt hurt by my lack of expression. After working hard away from home, he must have looked forward to coming home to the comfort and encouragement of his family. It was understandable that he felt disappointed when his own wife could not even offer him a few warm words. We could be getting along well one moment, only for the mood between us to turn cold the next. Even so, I did not think much of it, telling myself that this was simply how things were for married couples raising children.

A change began to take place in our strained relationship about two years ago. At some point, my husband started sending me thoughtful messages every morning. Each one carried his heartfelt wishes that I would have a good day and stay healthy. As I pictured him carefully choosing his words each morning and typing them out on his phone with his rough hands, I could feel how deeply he loved me. At first, expressing myself this way felt awkward, so I began with short replies. Before long, I was adding emojis and taking the time to send thoughtful messages of my own.

“Thank you.” “Have a great start to your day.” “I love you.” “Have a warm cup of coffee before you get to work.”

At first, I felt a little self-conscious. I wondered whether saying such affectionate things to each other was really necessary and whether other people might find it a little awkward. But only the first few times felt difficult. As I kept at it, I realized it was not so hard after all. It took barely a minute to type a short message. Around that time, I came across the “Words of Mother’s Love” campaign, and it gave me even more confidence that kind words really can bring harmony to a family. So I began making a greater effort to express how I felt. I had always tended to speak rather bluntly, but as I started using a gentler tone, I found that I liked the change in myself as well.

My husband especially enjoys video calls, so he often calls me after work and tells me about his day. To be honest, I understand very little of what he says about work because so many of the terms are unfamiliar to me. Still, I know better than anyone how hard he works, so I listen and encourage him, saying things like, “You’re the best,” and “You’re really good at what you do.” Seeing him smile happily on the other side of the screen makes me feel pleased. Later, I found out that he had even proudly told his coworkers and friends about the conversations we shared.

Simply listening to someone and offering a few words of appreciation for how hard they work takes very little effort, yet it can mean so much to the other person. It made me wonder why I had been so reluctant to express my feelings all those years. More than anything, I regretted not showing my husband more care sooner.

One day, while we were talking on the phone, my husband said,

“So, should I go to church this week?”

For a moment, I thought I had misheard him. About a month after I accepted the truth, my husband had received the blessing of new life, but that had been the extent of it. He had shown little interest and probably had not had the time or peace of mind to study the Bible. Still, he knew that I hoped we could receive God’s blessings together, and perhaps seeing how I had changed had begun to open his heart. Watching him keep his first Sabbath and then his first Passover felt almost like a dream. Perhaps he had received much grace through worship, because he promised that no matter how busy he was, he would make time to keep the Sabbath at least once a month.

One Sabbath evening after worship, my husband thanked me. In those simple words, I could sense not only gratitude but also regret, affection, and many other emotions. I was deeply moved. After taking a moment to compose myself, I told him how grateful I was too.

I never imagined that we, who had once been so easily hurt by each other’s words and actions, would come to understand each other’s struggles and exchange such warm, caring words. After all those years, it felt as though we had finally come to understand each other’s true feelings. Looking back, I realize how much I had fallen short. I had hoped that my husband would receive eternal rest, yet I had not even done enough to help him rest comfortably at home while he carried the heavy burden of providing for our family. I am grateful to him for having the courage to express his love first, and I am sorry that I did not do the same sooner.

Now I am also making an effort to show greater warmth and care toward my brothers and sisters in Zion. I no longer want to use my naturally reserved personality as an excuse for not expressing myself. As a daughter of God, who is love, I believe that if there is one quality that should come naturally to me, it must be love. At home and in Zion, I want to express nothing but love through kind and caring words. Praying that I may truly become that kind of person, I offer kind words and warm greetings to my husband, my brothers and sisters, and my neighbors.